And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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