i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
