grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
