A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
