I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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