i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
