she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize