just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
