He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
