Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
