Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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