life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
