i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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