we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
