I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
