I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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