they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
