Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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