I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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