i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
