theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
