I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
