im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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