I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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