lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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