U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
whose parrot is this?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
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Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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