Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
