4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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