I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
