She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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