I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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