I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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