Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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