He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
