Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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