We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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