the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
