i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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