OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
