ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
