i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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