Swine flu. Run for my life!
If that was your dad, he is hot
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
