cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
