Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
