Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
