There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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