Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
