Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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