I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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