Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
