He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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