One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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