i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this just has baby written all over it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
