So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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