Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
