im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
