i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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