sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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