Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
