i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
