had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
