Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
