I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
