question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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