whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
