Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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