Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
